Monthly Archive: December 2009

A guy hides chemicals in his underwear (really, who hasn’t?) and tries to blow up an airplane. Over Detroit, no less! Has that city not suffered enough? You may as well target an empty Circuit City store!

But now that his heinous plot -for which I hope he suffers tremendously in a max security prison- has been exposed, the omniscient federal government is once again instituting new rules for air travel. I would like to remind our public servants that you can’t stop liquids from getting on a plane. You can’t stop people from putting things in their laps. And you will never stop crazy religious nut jobs from hating us.

If I fill tiny (0.5oz) plastic bags with liquid explosive, I could hide them all over my body and never be caught. I could also combine the liquids in the bathroom BEFORE your new 1-hour no bombing safe zone and blow the plane up early. Do you really believe these new rules are going to keep American planes safe? Oh, and try telling a one year old child that they can’t have anything in their lap for an hour! Let me know how that goes. You might have more luck catching bin Ladin!

You want to keep planes one hundred percent safe? You can do it with one rule: no flying. Its that simple. As long as human beings can get on a plane without a strip search, there is the potential for danger. But no amount of shoe xrays, 3.5oz liquid bottles, belt removal, and potpourri-spraying gas detectors will accomplish your goal.

Step outside the box of bureaucracy for a few days and formulate some rational safety measures. Don’t worry about inconveniencing passengers. Worry about wasting your time and our money.